Jane's Recovery

"I was born in Essex and have three older brothers. I always look for why I turned out to be an alcoholic – I didn’t have a bad time at school, I was never bullied or abused, my brothers were good to me – there just doesn't seem to be any reason from my childhood for why it happened."

"In my mid-twenties, I met a guy and left my job – but within 6 months of leaving the job, I found out I had cancer of the lymph gland – it's called non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I had my six months of chemotherapy and lost all my hair."

"I had my first child at 30 and I was working as a fitness instructor – so drinking was limited to the weekends. After the birth of my second child, my drinking did progress – everytime I drank I got drunk, but I was surrounded by people who were doing the same, so I didn’t think anything of it"

"Alcohol wasn't a major problem though, until I lost my Dad. That’s when it went totally out of control. I remember getting the phone call from my Mum – my Dad had dropped dead completely out of the blue of a heart attack – I had a massive Bacardi and coke for the shock and felt I could cope with the news a lot better."

"We told the children in the morning, and for the first time ever I filled up a little lemonade bottle with Bacardi and coke and I drunk it on the way down to my Mum's, because I thought it would help me cope with the situation. I drank more at my Mum's when I got there. Then I took charge of sorting out the funeral but drinking throughout that time."

"I went to my Dad’s funeral having drunk that morning, so it had really started to set in at that point. From there it got progressively worse. I didn’t cope with Dad's death. I had also been on antidepressants on and off for 10 years, and I came off them at this stage. Suddenly I was much more aware of the hangovers, which I now know to be withdrawal symptoms from alcohol."

"My daughter was really worried – by this time she could smell the alcohol on me. There was one occasion where my daughter had collected all my empty vodka bottles and had stacked them up in her wardrobe and she showed me which was a real shock, but then afterwards I found myself checking them to see if there was any alcohol left in the bottles"

"I cut myself off from all my old friends. I was very depressed and was signed off sick from work. I was seeing an alcohol counsellor at this point. My liver tests were getting worse and worse each time – a normal person’s test results would show a level of 40 – 70. When I first went to see the alcohol counsellor the count was 300, which went up to 2150 over a short period. My counsellor asked me if I realised that the extent of damage to my liver was the same as when George Best went in for a liver transplant. I went straight out after that meeting and bought a bottle of vodka."

"My drinking affected my daughters badly, which I am truly sorry for now. There were a couple of occasions when they found me passed out at home, when they got in from school. I attempted suicide a couple of times with vodka and antidepressants pills and had also cut my wrists. One of my daughters found me unconscious in the bedroom."

"When I was in rehab at Trust The Process Counselling, one of the things we did was to get some feedback from family members and one of my daughters said that she felt she had missed out on some of her teenage years because I was so ill. That broke my heart. My daughter said that she had to regularly sleep with the knives under her bed because she was so scared I would try and harm myself. Her words that she wrote in the family questionnaire she completed when I was in treatment were: 'It was better to have a drunk Mum than no Mum at all'. That hit me really hard."

"My girls then decided they wanted to go and live with their Dad, which was devastating. It had finished with my new partner, so I was on my own for the first time in over 20 years. I'd stopped paying my bills, not because I didn't have the money, but because my life was totally unmanageable."

"In the last 6 months before I eventually got the help I needed, I was taken into hospital by ambulance about 6 times for alcohol-related problems. I was really ill by the end and was given a year to live."

"The alcohol counsellor suggested rehab – he said it would be about 3 to 6 months – at first, I thought absolutely no way, but I came round to the idea of it. Within a week of letting go of my rented house, I was in treatment at Trust The Process Counselling – I was admitted in the summer of 2007. Rehab was really hard work at times, but I knew as hard as it was, it was nowhere near as hard as where I was before I went into treatment. The thought of my children kept me going through it. I knew I was beaten and I knew that I was totally committed to the treatment".

"The guilt and shame I felt around my kids was really raw in the group counselling sessions, but eventually through talking about it openly and honestly I was finally able to come to terms with it. I could see the improvements – I started to lose weight and I could walk without getting out of breath. I know now how to deal with my problems, I don't let resentments build up and I deal with everything that comes up when it comes up."

"Now for the first time in my life, everything in my life that I have is through me putting in the action by going into treatment – I got myself a house sorted out for the day that I left treatment, my daughters are now back in my life and I have a great relationship with them."

"The difference in me is massive and I'm so happy that I'm now sober and I try my best to help people who are also suffering with alcoholism now. Hopefully by telling my story I'll be able to help other people out there – to give them the courage to find the help they need and deserve."

To talk about treatment for alcoholism or addiction, call Trust The Process Counselling on 0845 686 0824.