I felt angry and not with it today. I had some news about back home which filled my head with shit that I didn’t need. I shared with the group which helped. I need to get a good nights sleep and back on the steps which I’ve sort of ignored today.

I have had a tough day today, mixed emotions. I am happy that our two girls graduated today but sad that they were leaving. I always felt that their experience and feedback was invaluable….. I’m really going to miss them.

Last nights meeting was fantastic, I related to it alot. I’m feeling better in myself but need to share more in group.  This is the longest I have been clean for years.

I question whether or not I need to be here again today, I told myself that I don’t have a problem but the reality is I have a very big problem. I read out my folks family questionnaire in group today and had a big lump in my throat before I even opened it.  I cried like a big girls blous whilst I was reading it out as it hit home what I have put my family through.

The feedback from the group was positive, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I want this so bad I am prepared to do whatever it takes!

I am grateful to be clean, for my family and friends and that I am safe here.

Had a proper bad night last night. Someone that left waved something at me and that was enough to set me off thinking about using. I felt so angry and twitchy…. everything that used to make me use.. I vented my anger on the washing machine. What a twat! I should have shared, I am starting to learn that it really helps.

I was anxious and nervous about reading my Step 1 out in group today. I had so much positive feedback that I felt good about it in the end and so glad that I am surrounded by people with the same illness as me.  I am grateful that I never used last night and that I am safe in here.

I felt down last night after the event of the weekend. I was pissed off but grateful big bru warned me to stay away.

I listened to Eddie’s Step 1 and while listening I was thinking of my answers and felt proper sad and confused. Laurel made me share what I am most ashamed of. Glad I did though as the group really helped me through it.

Another tough day, feelings all over the place. I’m still finding it tough to talk about how i’m feeling. I have never been able to open up to anybody, it feels so alien to talk about things out in the open. Maybe it’s something to do with my upbringing, my dad always found it hard to talk about things and I wonder if I picked that up. When I start to talk in group my hands get sweaty, my words get all mixed up and this makes me feel so concious of looking like an idiot. When I open up I feel that my barriers are coming down and that makes me feel vulnerable but I know I have got to deal with this. My counsellor says that if I keep my feelings built up I will end up using again. I had a good chat with my house mates last night and it cleared my head. It was good to read the doctors opinion again, just to get my head around the concept of addiction.

I have been feeling emotionally and physically drained today. I’m missing my friends and family big time, emotions are running hot!

I wanted to share at Anne’s meeting but ran out of time, I felt gutted!

Today Im grateful that I am clean and that I can finally breathe through my nose again.

Last night walking back from AA my head was in a bad place, so I shared with Steve and felt so much better. I thought I was ok today until I read my life story out in group. I swallowed my tears again which wasn’t good. The group told me how they could relate to my addiction which made me feel so much better. It really helps to know that I am not alone in this.

Lewis graduated today which brought all of my emotions up. I hope I have the courage to suceed that Lewis has, I’m scared of failiure.

I’m grateful to be here, safe and free from cocaine today.

I woke up this morning feeling good, I said so in process until I was questioned about it.  When I delved deeper into my feelings the truth was I felt like shit. Last night I could have really done with a line or two but I didn’t tell anyone for fear using, deep down I really don’t want to use.

I must learn to share my feelings instead of bottling them up. We all wrote a letter to someone we had lost, writing it was fine until we had to read it out to the group. I wrote mine to my nan, I feel so guilty…. she died before I gave up using. She only lived around the corner and I barely popped in to see her in her last few years. I was fighting back the tears when I read it out in group and ended up crying like a baby. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders but I can’t help but feel ashamed and guilty.

Its been a tough day today but I am grateful to be clean, safe and here at Trust The Process.

It was a tough start to the day,  I received a letter telling me that everyone back home was thinking about me and that they wanted the old Steve back. It was so upsetting.

In Danny’s group I shared that I was unsure who the person that uses drugs was, even though I have only been clean a couple of days it seems like I have woken up from a nightmare.

The day got better and better as I shared my feelings with my group. The more I talk, the better I feel.

I am grateful for being clean and being in a safe environment.